Written fast, furious and furious while listening to Love Never Dies on loop. This one is a bit more focused on practice, but I am committed to writing these at least monthly.
Papers and Process
Submitted a paper co-authored with my dream team. Blinked and three weeks of my life had gone by. A common occurrence. Our paper detailed our workshops that we had run with writers on metaphors for language model governance. If you could create and manage a language model with your fellow writers, how would you want it to be governed? What would be your role? I’m stoked to keep going down this thread with them.
There’s an item on my 2026 bingo, a successor to an unfilled 2025 goal which had been “finish a paper a month early.” The updated version just hopes to “submit a paper without an all-nighter.” That did not happen, and it did not even happen the next night when submitting the final edits for Atelier. When I come out of these caffeine fueled paper writing weeks 1) I sleep for two days 2) I feel beyond empty inside. I did not touch another medium, another craft for weeks other than my beloved cooking. No space to let my head roam. Every time I submit a paper I am filled with terror that I have forgotten myself, that perhaps I have accidentally left myself behind somewhere. This feeling does not appear when I come off a sprint for an installation or digital media piece, and I wonder if it points to where my body wishes to be in equilibrium. Prior to these weeks, I had spent all my time making cute crafts, which I happen to love and (I think) do well, making videos for them, but then that too, felt off. It threw me for a loop so much that I spent pages trying to articulate why.
Since the PhD has started rolling faster, most of my deep dive brain has been used for those projects. It’s been a while since I’ve taken on a new research interest, just for fun, just for me. I am missing the heart of research-based art, not in the way in which they tell young artists to always have a research process and angle for longevity of their work, but in the way that a kid spends months obsessed with greek mythology for no good reason. Too much of my work recently has asked me for a reason.
Process is something that I have tried to live out -- I am working on a project (and getting stuck) on how writers can share their process in a meaningful way. I love the idea of documenting and sharing the in-betweens, which led me to try making process videos and share whatever morsels I could, but soon the imbalance threw me off the roof again. I’m starting to think that there must be a chunk of you that you keep to yourself and this piece must be greater than half to retain your sanity. If I want to share more then I will have to create more.
Shadows (or light?)
On my light? shadows? account I pretty much kept daily posts in January, then slowed down for February. Today I stopped by the grounds of this beautiful old building, one that has always seemed like it belonged in a movie as an orphanage with mysterious goings-on. The search for these shadows is sending me to places I usually don’t go, like my own version of pokemon go -- I chase the light and I chase the shadows. But it has done its job. I cannot walk anywhere without noticing the shape of things, the way that sun will filter through leaves and get caught on its way out and just how gorgeous UW’s campus is. Nothing so wonderful as thinking I have run out of new light on my daily routine and one day walking back to discover that there were unnoticed shadows. Keeping a daily habit is hard, but even when I don’t post, I breathe and I see the shapes everywhere. I am also not above manufacturing shadows, manufacturing things to notice. In Sentimental Value, the first half of the movie included many shots of light filtering into this family home and I could only think of how beautiful they were and how these were the images I am currently hyper aware of. At some point Gustav is quoted “Nothing is more beautiful than shadows.” in referring to this house. I know my homes intimately by the choreography of light through them each hour and day. This movie is also one that adds to my ongoing despair and joy: despair at the thought of never making anything so personal and joy at being able to experience it. I am grateful that I experienced it at this moment in my life.
For next time.. I WILL have my skies scanned, and a few experiments on personal datasets…
shared
wip
My friend Rachel is making a coffee table in my backyard. I am honored to be a part of this chaotic journey.
I am writing, though I find it hard to find proof of life for my words even though I know they’re there.
Confessions, from a letter to friends:
so exciting and lovely to see all the work you put into the world. please keep sharing <3
this is so lovely!!